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Tuesday, March 07, 2017

Rainbow-catcher


There comes a point in our life when we seem to be running in circles, unable to view life in a clear and simple way. Fear confuses us. Even silence is noisy. And the everyday magic we have come to expect in our lives becomes part of the routine; of the mundane. Still, it could be just life's delaying tactics of sorts so that we would take more time to cultivate awareness in our every day decisions; a way to finally ask the hard questions and not rest until answers are found - "Is this really the life I want?" "Why am I unhappy?" "How do I create more joy out of what I have?"

I have often written about things that makes sense to me years after I have written them. I think this is one of those.

I remain hopeful that this journey will take me not just towards a deeper understanding of myself, but ultimately towards a simpler yet more joyful life where I can share with those around me. I pray for it to be so.

***
As rain pours and blankets everything in mist
within, you feel hushed
like the world is telling you to be still; 
to take your time to be lost
because everywhere is still in chaos
but soon enough, the clouds break
and the sun can't help but shine through
you start looking for rainbows
and become amazed as
second by second, 
something so pure and beautiful
could appear from thin air.

It's about time you understand. 
The same can be done
with your life. 

August Bernadette
Friday, February 13, 2015

Safe


SOURCE

I now realize that during my period of darkness, all I ever really need to know and firmly believe to finally find the strength to start breaking through is that I am greatly loved, and that nothing I can do will ever change that.

Above everything else, I know now that my greatest need is to feel safe. Without that kind of steadfastness in my life, I cannot be calm enough to proceed with everyday life nor dare to achieve things because I tend to end up severely limited by my fears. Without that certainty, I lose sight of my purpose because I am beset by both great fears and minute worries. My great ambitions brought out into the light cast great shadows where I find myself cowering and at times, utterly lost as how to proceed. But with grace, I've been found again; reawakened to the limitless possibilities that life has 
reserved for me. It is like knowing that above the dark clouds will always be the bright sun shining no matter what. That everywhere in the Universe, stars continue to shine though I may not be able to see them some cloudy nights.

I am loved, greatly, constantly, "enduringly"... a certainty that I can always count on in whatever season of my life; a haven that I can always run to for warmth and comfort, for infinite hope, and for strength and the courage to always try again. Only love - a great love can do that. Only God's love can do that.  

My greatest need was to feel safe - and I only found it when I learned to accept God's great love for me. 
IMAGE SOURCE
August Bernadette
Sunday, February 08, 2015

In the darkest hours.

Only after a dark period in life can you appreciate the true meaning of surrender, and growth of faith because it makes you realize that no, you did not actually make it through. No, you weren't strong enough. No, you survived not because of who you thought you are or what you can do.

What really happened was you made it through because God picked you up and carried you through the darkness. It was His Strength, His Love, His Light that gave you hope and sustained you. You survived it not because you are someone stronger or better than anyone else, rather because you chose to believe in a God that loves you and will do anything for you without condition or question.

Only after a dark period in your life will you know true gratefulness because you will have realized that God made His love for you manifest in your darkest hours.


August Bernadette
Monday, January 19, 2015

How to deal during "Foggy Days"

Beside my work station are these big wall-to-wall windows that looks out into the rest of the city and lets me see as far as my eyes will allow me to. As expansive as the view it affords me, some days fog obscures everything, making them invisible. The fog has a tendency to hide the view and tricks you into thinking that all the skyscrapers and wide open spaces were just memories and may not actually be there - much like how pain has a tendency to obscure visions of the future that should have been visible enough to see from what is easily a perspective of clarity.

Fortunately, foggy days are just passing days much like painful days are. The sun eventually shines and banishes the blinders, making us see that there is so much more to life to look forward to; that what we think are surreal visions in the haze can be a future that is for real.
     
Foggy days pass. Pain ends. Night dawns. Love finds. Time reveals. God saves.
Just hold on and  believe. Even The Beatles said so.... :)


August Bernadette
Friday, December 05, 2014

Some days.


Some days I feel brave again - strong enough and hopeful; expecting the best version of things to happen, able to feel or at the very least remember my personal power.

Some days I just feel awful - still angry, still regretful, and worst of all, confused on how I really feel and why and what should I be thinking and doing instead.

Some days I just feel tired - aware enough that there is so much more to life but wishing that for that day I could just choose to stop fighting and go somewhere quiet to rest and to try to forget why life is a struggle and that life is grossly unfair sometimes.

Some days I feel alright - passive, calm, observant... almost like my usual self.

2014 is finally coming to an end and it will become just another year of the past, along with all its lessons and memories. Some days I feel hopeful and aware that its ending will bring a new chance to begin again, just like each day is. But then, some days I don't give an F anymore about endings and beginnings knowing full well that ours is just a short-lived existence that it will be torture to have grand dreams yet so little time to really make a difference....

I know. I'm so screwed - some days. My only comfort is that this screwing up from the inside is no longer an everyday occurrence anymore.

And the sun seems to shine most days.

August Bernadette
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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