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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

finding july

I have searched long and hard and almost desperately for something that can help me overcome the pain that your silence and seeming abandonment has wrought in me. I finally found it.

I wanted you to be free. I wanted to be with you and see it. You have become so precious, I cannot let you go. I've been so fascinated watching you fly that I did not 'hear' that perhaps what you're really asking of me is to let go of your kite string, that you may attain new and greater heights and traverse wider spaces. My delight made me stubborn and my stubborness made me miserable and so profoundly sad.

I know you're out there. Somehow I know that I could still reach you and let you know that I'm sorry it has taken me this long to accept things and to truly understand. I want you to know that I'm alright and that I'm finally letting you go.
I'm actually choking on tears. When it comes to you I can never keep my heart from breaking. But if I'm to overcome this pain, I've to finally set you free. I've to bring our story to a close so that new ones may begin. I've mourned for our friendship long enough, it's high time I dry my tears and give other people a chance to make me smile.

I can still feel you here; you will always be with me. And though I've let you go, never think that I've given you up. For even when everything has come to their proper end, I'll still be here for you. Even when 'friendship' has become an empty word and love has ceased to matter, things will always be real between us. You will always have my affection and honesty.

I have promised that I will make a home in my heart for you. Please remember that when you feel that you've lost all the world; that you still have me.
With the fondest thoughts, sincerest prayers. the fiercest & most protective hug, and with all the tenderness I could ever send you, I say 'AMEN'.

May 07, 2005
4:30 a.m. / Saturday
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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