Copyright 2016 © drafts and brews byBernadette D. Sueno
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Saturday, August 26, 2006

i call them - MINE


next week, I turn another year older… my birthday. Long ago, I have been told that the older you get, the fewer your friends become. It’s basically because very few of the people that we get to meet during our lifetime will be able to stay long enough to grow and learn with us. It’s just how things really are. It is also why those who have been with us for so long are very precious to us… And so today, I would like to celebrate by saying THANK YOU to the people who had brought so much joy and meaning in my life, be it over the years or just recently…

... pasintabi sa mga matampuhin.. c'mon guys, u know i always want to be as honest as possible.... just because these are the only names here doesn’t mean that they are the only ones that I care for nor love… nor that I love you any less… it’s just that by virtue of time and circumstance as well as various coincidences…. sila talaga eh… Pagbigyan na po ako, birthday ko naman…

… and so, I proudly PRESENT the 'pipol in my nehey-bor-hood'... mga taong nagpapasaway at sobrang nagbibigay-kulay (isa-isahin natin kung saang part ng color spectrum sila nakapuwesto maya-maya, okei?) sa aking personal layf (nope, luv layf not included…sori…wala pa sa ngayon eh…hanapan nyo kaya ako para magkaroon…)


* * *


FELIZ - Bright Yellow… cheerful kasi siyang tao. And she has the capacity to make other people happy. Yun lang, madalas nalalambungan ng clouds ang dapat sana clear skies niya kaya her sun sometimes couldn’t shine as brightly as it possibly could…




Our story. I met her during the first week of our high school freshman year. Yung DOST freshman class kasi dati sa Pque. National High, labo-labo pa talaga madalas pag first 2 weeks ng pasukan kasi nade-delay yung results ng exam. So sa dalawang room intended for I- DOST 1 and I- DOST 2, jampacked madalas kasi nga di pa naso-sort yung estudyante. As a consequence din, kulang lagi yung upuan (parang yung PI 100 class naming ngayon sa UP, hehe… bawal ma-late kung hindi wala ka upuan…). ‘eto’ng si Feliza, sa isang row lang kami naka-upo. I noticed her kasi masyado siyang opiniated sa lahat ng bagay. Outspoken. May pagka-maldita rin, as in matalas ang dila – sarcastic…. Nung na-sort na yung mga estudyante, classmates pa rin kami. Naulit yun ng 2nd year til 3rd year where we even became closer dahil sa cheerdance and sa CAT. Sa ngayon, we have more than 10 years of friendship to celebrate…



10 years is much too long… pero kung tutuusin, hindi namin halos namalayan na ganoon na pala kami katagal na parte ng buhay ng isa’t-isa. Our friendship is that kind na hindi naman ganoon ka-intense, in fact, minsan taken for granted nga lang na basta nandiyan. There have been years na halos once or twice lang kami nagkita/ nagkausap. We have been separated by time and distance, and sometimes by the very nature of our individual lives. Siguro masyado lang talaga kaming masuwerte kasi nandiyan pa rin ang isa’t-isa kahit marami na ang nagbago. Lately ko nga lang narealize na, oo nga, we sort of have grown up apart and yet, together din. Simple lang pagkakaibigan namin ni Feliz eh. But I consider it very precious in the sense na hindi lang siya matagal na, it is also built on trust and honesty. Wala’ng secrets. Wala’ng takot na baka hindi matanggap or something… And of course, yun nga, it lasted for so long kasi lagi nandun yung effort to reach out kapag medyo parang nawawalan na ng communication…. May times na nahihirapan ako’ng maging kaibigan niya,… and at such times sobra ako’ng nagi-guilty kasi feeling ko dapat nagagawan ko ng paraan na maibigay yung kailangan niya even if I can’t always be there…. But it is still a dilemma without a clue for me, kahit na kung tutuusin, meron na talaga… kasi nga ang sagot lang naman, I can’t always be there even if I wanted to…..



JOBS – Blue… iba-ibang hues depende sa mood… sometimes like the blueness of the skies kapag sunny day, quiet and peaceful… yung bluish-green ng dagat pag okay ang panahon, quiet but may naglalarong kalokohan sa utak…yung grayish-blue ng dagat pag may bagyo, quiet pa rin but turbulent… yung deep blue ng ocean, quiet but malalim… yup, madalas siyang quiet pero di lang ganun ka-simple yun…




Our story. We started out as mere co-trainees. Actually di pa nga yun eh, kasi di naman talaga kami friends nito although we have common friends dahil nga sa CAT-1. Junior Officer kasi ako and COCC naman siya. I have buddies na klasmeyts/ tropa nya. Summer training before ng senior year ko lang nasimulan siyang naka-bonding. Isa pa, masyado kasi mabait ‘tong taong to. Pag late ako and siya nag-aattendance… di rin siya nagsusumbong… hehe. Naaawa siguro sa akin…sa liit ko ba naman, tapos mapaparusahan pa… Fourth year, ayun tropa-tropa of sorts na… kasi nga ang mga kaibigan niya, either tropa ko or ka-close ko rin. And pare-parehas kami mahilig sa music… Noong mga panahon na yun ko napagdesisyunang mag-aral mag-gitara… Eh sila rin nag-aaral.. madalas mag-jamming…basta. Now that I think about it, panay kababawan nga lang pala talaga mga connections namin noon. Ang strong link lang namin, CAT & common friendships. College years, okay pa rin… until umalis yung common friend namin… dun lang talaga ako napalapit sa kanila… Sa kanila kasi ako nina Meg nagsusumbong ng mga frustrations ko tungkol dun sa umalis… ayun… hanggang ngayon, pasaway pa rin ako… hehe….


Si Jobs…I do not know him actually… a least not in the sense that I come to know people na nagsimula na interesado talaga ako na kilalanin… There is so much that I do not know about him, and of course it doesn’t really matter. Basta ang alam ko lang, nagkakaintindihan kami. There is respect. There is love. There is mutual protectiveness, and admiration. There exist in each one a sincere hope that each other’s dreams would someday come true… Simple, pero sweet – a friendship that I consider very dear to me.




VERG – hmmm… purple… as royal as the Leo that he is…



Our story. Kakasali ko pa lang sa CAT as an MOCC, matunog na pangalan nito e. Nang makilala ko kung sino, kaya naman pala… e noon pa kasi, may pagka-artistahin na talaga ang lolo ‘kong ito… Bukod sa favorite namin siyang mag-command kapag nagpa-practice kami ng drills (mabilis kasi eh, challenge talaga sa pag-snappy mo), I also remember having performed a dance with them (‘Tearing Up my Heart’, first released single ng N’SYNC) ng mag-birthday yung assistant commandant naming noong JO na kami… and siyempre, yung mga ka-bibo-han sa cheerdance kapag CAT Day… nagsasayaw pa kasi ako noon eh… hehe… nakaka-miss. Ngayon kasi, nagsasaway na lang… He was one of my buddies na masasabi kong naging friend ko talaga during the course of our training, and siyempre, beyond. Coincidentally, parehas kaming malapit dun sa umalis… ‘BES’ niya yun eh… Ako, wala lang, ‘feeling’ close… hehe…


May mga friendships na precious pero hindi mo talaga masabi kung bakit… Yung sa amin ni Verg, ganun. Bakit nga ba? Dahil matagal na? Dahil may mga common kaming kaibigan? Maraming common/ shared memories? May mga common preferences kami? Pareho kami senti? Kasi complement ang pagka-madaldal niya at pagiging tahimik ko? Kasi pareho kami August-born? … Haay, medyo madami nga pala puwede maging dahilan… Magpapasalamat na nga lang ako, dami ko pa kasi sinasasabi eh… Pero mahal ko talaga ‘tong si Verg… basta dun, sure ako…. J




MEG – Red… aktibista… strong… ma-angas… passionate… simple pero rock!…



Our story. Same with Jobs, I came across Meg dahil rin sa CAT. Yun lang, siya talaga, sophomore pa lang kasama ko na since parehas kami JO. Anyway, we belong to the same organization, hence, we almost have the same circle of friends. Buddies eh. Sabay natuto ng mga kakulitan at kalokohan sa CAT (although siyempre, mas maloko ‘to kaysa sa akin… good girl ako eh…). Sabay nakaranas ng mga ‘kalupitan’ ng mga alumni… He has always been there by nature of having common friends… Isa rin siya na basta nandyan lang… I know him kasi nagkataon lang – shared experiences, common friends… But he was actually a stranger of sorts kasi, except for his love life noong high school (classmate/ friend ko kasi yung girl…), I do not know any details about him… Our common bond was the CAT-1 organization… and of course, friends na galing din dun, one in particular… yung umalis.



I will always bless the day I cried when that common friend left for greener pastures… Kasi naging daan pa yung consequent ‘abandonment’ niya sa amin, for us to get closer. Noon ko lang sila nakilala talaga ng mas personal… naka-bonding ng mas madalas… naka-usap ng mas malaliman… ‘nakita’ ng mas malinaw as their individual selves, not just as someone na ang pagkakakilala mo eh kakabit ng pagkakakilala mo sa iba’ng tao… …….



I never had the slightest idea that one day, ‘etong si meggie eh mapapalapit sa akin ng ganito. Minsan nga, pag wala ako’ng iba’ng mapagkaabalahan pag magkakasama kami, napapatingin na lang ako in wonder sa kanila eh. Indeed angels come in many forms. And hindi mo sila kailangang hingiin kasi kusa sila’ng dumarating sa buhay mo… ‘ibinibigay’ sa ‘yo…. Wala ako’ng masyado’ng masabi except expressions of amazement dahil may buddy ako na tulad niya… Siguro nga sa isang banda, binibiro niya lang ako… But then, since uto-uto talaga ako, he has become one of those persons that I trust na kapag hiningi niya na tumalon ako sa malalim na pool kahit hindi ako marunong lumangoy, basta ba sasabihin niya na siya bahala sa akin,… gagawin ko without hesitation.



MEL – White… pure… o sige, ecru na lang o kaya off-white… hehe



Our story. We were classmates sa LIS 62, 2nd Cataloging and Classification course ng Library & Information Science program sa UP, during the 2nd semester of AY 2005-2006. Actually, di ko alam na klasmeyt ko pala siya. Hindi ako aware. Masyado kasi ako ngarag lagi to make it a point na kilalanin lahat ng classmates ko sa bawat subject (‘kaw ba naman magkaroon ng 8:30 a.m. – 7:00 p.m. na class sched, kumusta ka naman, di ba…). I only got to know him kasi at the day itself of our midterm, about an hour and a half before class time, may nang-istorbo ng pagre-review ko sa lib. Siya yun. Tinatanong niya yung coverage ng exam. Hindi pa daw siya nakakapag-aral. Naisip-isip ko noon, goodluck na lang sa aming dalawa kasi nagka-cram din ako. Eh yun nga, imbes na habaan ko pa explanation since gahol na nga sa oras, pinahiram ko na lang sa kanya yung binabasa ko na notes. Sabi ko pa-photocopy niya na lang and basahin kasi basically, yun lang naman talaga yun eh. Guess how we did in the exam? Daya, lamang lang ako ng 1 point… parehas pa kami ng numerical standing – 1.25…. angas, di ba? Hehe… Nagkasundo pa kami lalo kasi ginawa naming stress-reliever ang mutual na ‘pagbalahura’ sa mutual (although di kami classmates sa subject na ‘to) Socio 101 professor namin…. Oo naman, bad! talaga kami….



I have come to regard my life as one eternity made up of so many lifetimes. At every point, laging may nagsisilbing angel or devil sa buhay ko… After but half-a-year of friendship, I’m quite convinced na sa ngayon, siya yun… Why? Simply coz of the fact that he came into my life from out of nowhere…. Nagkakasundo kami sa maraming bagay (kunwari okay lang…hehe), maski sa kalokohan… and especially sa galaan (although wala pa talaga kami sa point that we could go wherever we want to kasi di pa talaga kami ganun ka-financially independent…and sayang rin, kasi committed na ‘to ngayon eh, di na ganun kadali mayaya kung saan-saan…). With him, I could just jump from one state of emotion to the other. Kahit kasi di niya ko ma-gets, especially pag sa text, sige lang, andiyan pa rin siya. He is also so much fun to be with. Madalas tawa lang kami ng tawa, comedy lahat maski yung nakakaiyak na… I actually am very proud to have him as a friend. Malaki respeto and bilib ko dito d:p



TEDDYBEAR – puwede ba’ng prism? Dami kasi colors nito eh, depende sa quality of light… o sige na nga, since hindi naman color yun, White na rin lang. Pure white. Mahal na mahal ko kasi ‘tong tao’ng ‘to e. Kung meron man ako’ng matatawag na soulmate, siya na yun.


Our story. Born three years earlier, na-cement lang yung relationship namin ng sa wakas ay pinanganak na ko. Dun kasi na-ascertain na magpinsan kami…. Kasi nga naman di ba, if I were born to different parents, ewan ko lang kung ano’ng relationship meron kami ngayon, that is, kung meron man… Anyway, I’ve spent most summers of my childhood with them, sa Batangas. Sila talaga ng ate ko ang magka-vibes. Nang later-teenage years ko na lang namin na-discover na mas marami pala kami’ng things in common, mapa-materyal man o abstract… Napadalas ang mga kuwentuhan, mga malalimang usapan… yun na…She was our Teddybear, and I am her Popcorn…kasi mahilig siya sa teddybears at mala-teddybear na katabi sa pagtulog. Adik naman ako noon sa popcorn ng Bench.


We could spend an entire week doing nothing but take long walks together and alternately, talk or just share each other’s silence… hindi lang kami magsu-survive… mage-enjoy pa kami ng sobra. Sigurado, bitin pa yun. We have so much in common – our simple (casual pareho) but tasteful preference when it comes to clothes, and bags and sandals (mga adik…hehe, fetish na nga yata eh), sentimental music, wide, open spaces, panoramic views, profound conversations na madalas puro tanong lang naman na hindi namin pareho masagot…, our zany sense of humor, dedication to family, devotion to friends… soulmate nga eh…. She is very precious to me… one of the select few who I hold very, very close to my heart.



***


I have always considered myself so very lucky and blessed dahil sa pamilya ko… To have these people in my life however, grabe, sobra na talaga… feeling ko maski mga anghel mainggit kasi para’ng nakuha ko na lahat ng puwede kailanganin ng isang tao para maging masaya…. And indeed they have made me very happy in their own individual ways… Every moment is blessed kapag kasama ko sila. It doesn’t matter if they feel the same way towards me. Wala naman ako’ng magagawa para maiba kung anuman iyo’ng turing nila sa akin. Basta para sa akin, sobrang mahalaga sila sa buhay ko. These are the people who have the power to make me very happy, and to break my heart if they want to. I have written about them as a celebration of what my life has been and can still become because they are in it… and so dun sa mga galit sa akin.. hehe… ‘lam nyo na kung kung sino-sino mga dahilan kung bakit ako ganito… :p


I do not know them that much… nor do they know me as well, although I have done what I could to let them know who I am… All that I know, and I’m sure of is what I feel (which of course, may still change, either for better or worse… and it doesn’t really matter) about them: that these people have contributed so much into making my life the blessing and the miracle that it is today….
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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