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Sunday, August 06, 2006

Moving On...

I'm saying goodbye to a lot of things... to old illusions, friendships that had gone awry, painful memories, childish perspectives, baseless fears..., and moving on to hopefully better things - greater expectations, new friends, new loves, simpler yet at the same time, grander dreams, more hopeful and cheerful perspectives, renewed strength gathered from the constant love that has been my source of hope and inspiration in the face of so many adversities....

The last few years had been full of life-changing events; things that had demanded so much as far as strength, courage, and maturity is concerned. I could not say if I had risen to the task the best way that anyone would expect... I only knew that I did what I could... sometimes to the point of stumbling blindly because I really had no idea how to go about those challenges... never really caring if I fell or find salvation. All I knew then was that if I didn't die, I'll get through... And that every morning means that there is a possibility of things getting better, if not turning from worst to best. True enough, everything so far had been meeting my grand expectations... :) and those that did not... well, they have just surpassed my humble hopes... :). Its amazing, really, how things have gone since the day I've written how life seemed to be opening up for me right on cue.... There have been a lot of surprises since then - simple, everyday triumphs that adds up to the collective miracle that is my life.

I know there are people, nay, even friends that find it hard to 'SEE' just how I could go about writing such things as if everything in my life had been rosy. Well, it hasn't been a fairytale of course. In fact, I have cried so much and had gone through very painful struggles. And of course, aside from the usual pimples to show for the stress, it really is hard to tell from an outsiders’ perspective what I, at one point, am actually going through....

The thing is, we all share the same tragedies. We usually are just too focused on our personal pain to realize that we are never really alone in what we are feeling. And that as we struggle to live through and overcome our current stumbling blocks, basically just striving to make it through just one more day, we make our life a richer ground of possibilities. Outwardly, it doesn't show. Inside however, as self-aware people can tell, everything becomes lush. Every new experience adds up to a newer and more profound understanding that indeed life is very simple and very beautiful. The price that comes with such wisdom is, however, always tinge with pain. It has to be. For with every sorrow, our eyes are opened to a deeper appreciation of every little thing that can give us a reason to smile or feel good about life.

... and so I am moving on. I'm saying goodbye to things that I have held on to, recognizing finally that they have served their purpose in my life, and that it finally is time to look forward to better things. I sincerely thank all of them who, at one point or another, have given me the privilege to share my life with them. I thank those who have been my earth-bound angels - people who have brought in so much joy, no matter how fleeting. And to those who are now giving me so much reason to continue making life a purpose- and joy-filled one, to say "Thank you!" is trite. It could never suffice for everything that you have given me; for everything that you have allowed me to see, and feel, and understand.... I wish there is some way that I can make you see just how much love I have for each and everyone of you...Thank you so much for your gifts of selves... In return, know that you always have me. All you need to do is ask....

I am moving on... expect for more life-crazy thoughts soon... Ciao! Ü 
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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