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Friday, May 18, 2007

Letters for rent

11:12 PM, 5/18/2007 (Lipa City, Batangas)

Can I use your letter?

"... Sbahin ntin na di p tlga ako gcing, pero gusto ko na magcing"...

Yet another text message that had me reflecting abut love and life and all its ironies. She was asking me if she could use my letter and send it to a love that has seem to have forgotten all about her. I have once written about how in our pain, we always seem to feel alone, always never realizing that we really never are. This episode reiterates just that. Amusing in a way that my very personal letter could almost exactly reflect her own emotions given that we each have different reasons for our pain. Mine was platonic, hers was romantic. Life! How could it drive us crazy with its ironic jokes.

While my letter can help her express her pain and somehow ease it (through the act of expression, there is release), I think that not even repeatedly banging her head against a wall could do much to help her wake up from a nightmare such as thwarted love and rejection. As I have written before, it is in our nature as foolish, trusting humans to continue trusting, believing and hoping that the illusion of somebody's professed love is real. It is very difficult to turn away from that. What we can do however is to try to accept that the person to whom we have offered love was not worthy of it, could not see it for its preciousness and hence, we should just accept that we have made a mistake. We must also understand and always remember that we could try again. As for the pain, only time and love itself can heal it.

For the longest time, she was asking me for a letter. I still could not bring myself to write it. All profoundness turns to mush whenever I try to. I forgot that the principle is not to try, but to just write. Anyway, she can always use my letters....
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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