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Thursday, May 17, 2007

Work Ethics

I just came back from an almost two-day marathon of encoding for an election quickcount and I'm definitely not feeling well. It really isn't fair. After having done my best, just like I always do or at least strive to do with every task at hand, the snug, warm feeling which is the "afterglow" of having given my best should have been present. It isn't, and all because of a few careless words and gestures which quite shook me by its force.

It is already a given thing that as hard as we may wish or hope for it, some people really could not be as sensitive to us as we would have it to be. I think that what happened to me was one of those classic examples. I could actually give it the benefit of the doubt but for the time being, I need some time and some ranting to be able to get it out of my system. I really hate it, hate it, hate it.... Made me actually consider of quitting my job.

what should be understood about me is that I really am a passionate person through and through. This is reflected in everything that I do, no matter how lighthearted I may seem about in doing certain things. I take my responsibilities very seriously and I never do anything half-heartedly unless I was just forced to do so because of certain circumstances. I also rarely commit to anything I do not really want to do unless for a very, very good reason. This is because once I start something, I am sure to see it through to the last. I make every effort to ensure that the work would be something I could be proud of, hence it should be something that I really could immerse myself into and if possible, enjoy. This sense of dedication and commitment is part of my passionate nature and pervades everything that has to do with me - work, relationships, interests, etc. Since it is a part of me, it is priceless. Whether it is a paid assignment or not, these characteristics are always trademarks of my job. It is therefore very unfair and humiliating and the height of insensitivity for me if someone assumes that I am only doing my best because of expected rewards like money or even just to get a favorable impression. Rubbish!

I am bristling because I feel that I have been wrongly understood (ironic phrase!). I would never do a job just for the money that it would bring me. In this particular case, I actually have so much to lose in agreeing to do it, yet I would have done it for free if need be because of several reasons that if specified, are actually but the names of friends - people I greatly respect and hold so much affection for that I am willing to do what I could for them in spite of the danger of even mere association. Friendships for me are priceless. Responsibilities shared with friends are always a labor of love, and the fact that it is shared and is a bonding experience is its own reward. I already am rich in a lot of things especially in the things that count most - family, friends, talent, wit, luck... the money I could earn elsewhere. As to favorable impressions, I am already secure in myself and my relationships. That is all the favorable impression that I need. I also am inherently shy and prefers to be the one behind the scenes, that is why I actually have an inborn hatred for the limelight and as equivalent, celebrities. I do not really need opinions of such nature to feel good about myself.

I hope it was all but a mistake, and that it will never happen again. I intend to talk about it with someone who is in the know about everything related to the matter, just so I could make myself clear and then be done with it. If it it turns out to be otherwise, then I'll just go and find work with people who will see me and appreciate me better. Money could never buy nor overweigh fulfillment.
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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