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Wednesday, September 07, 2011

A tale of the needy heart...

 "Hope. I have never lost it and yet, it may have come in another more insistent form this time - the voice of a stranger who can be a friend." - Falling In


...and the stranger became a friend and then some. And the needy heart felt that maybe, just maybe it can actually dare to let go and try to feel what it is like to take the plunge and fall. "Free will" as the black-garbed angel once said. Because for the first time, it had finally felt that it was liked and appreciated; that it was welcome.

What was wrong with that last sentence was the verb - it just FELT. No matter how strong those feelings were, words remained unsaid. The friend, though it had said repeatedly that it will break free soon, remained committed to another. The needy heart, being needy, chose to stay and offered itself as a friend. Because the welcoming warmth felt good, it chose to stay though it felt like a fly trapped in sticky, stifling honey.

Friendship is very good but where is the freedom to be spontaneously passionate and trustingly real? The needy heart wants too much - the close friendship and so much more, it is almost greedy. Yet it stayed. It settled for something good, hoping that patience will give way to something better; something more. But it could not rest. It fears that it has waited far too long. It wants to move on but tenderness and passion's promise is a heady enticement that it could not just shake itself free from.

If you can have your say, what is the needy heart to do? Wait for a promise that was never even said; or run and find what else is out there to take?

But it has never known how to take, just to give....
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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