Copyright 2018 © drafts and brews byBernadette D. Sueno
Design by Dzignine
Wednesday, November 16, 2011

How long is one lifetime?

"In a real way, eternity is merely the living of one human lifetime after another...." - (Marius), The Vampire Lestat, Anne Rice

My personal belief is that we all have but one eternity to live, and several lifetimes to decide on what should we live for.

It used to be that one lifetime for me is equivalent to two years - a span of time enough to complete the cycles of new  to fading friendships, and the inception and resolution of personal issues. Lately, I found that, in direct proportion to the number of real people that one gets to meet as one gets older, the period of one such cycle also diminishes. One lifetime for me now is as short as two months - two months to meet new people, two months to heal my heart and pride of both real and imagined wounds, two months of reaching out, two months of life-changing experiences, two months of deciding for the next lifetime, two months of chances.

I do not decide on the length of time. It is actually just a noticeable cycle in my life where, guided by my heart, I become aware of the time limits given for me to take stock of things and decide if I will let the experiences of my current lifetime affect that of my next one, either for the worse or for the better.

The point is, same as everyone else, I do not have forever. I only have one eternity to spend into as many lifetimes as I could to make that one mark,  to fulfill that one purpose that I was born to do. For most of us, it is so hard to just keep going forward because we are only humans with very fragile hearts and so much more fragile egos that tend to hurt so much so fast yet heal so slowly. I do that too. I cannot help but linger at times. I usually present an outward facade that has undergone "renovations", the picture of a person that has moved on, but inside, I still cry nights and gets terribly affected by people and events and even the silliest things.  And I am guilty of these even if I so want to really move on. So how do I deal? How do I convince myself that one lifetime is over?

I deal by striving to become as fully aware of my life as I can. I list down all my options - both the easy and the difficult ones. And then, as corny as it is, I do interview my heart. I ask it about the things that it wants, the things that it needs, the things that will make it happy, the things that it is willing to do or to sacrifice and for what price, the things that will help it embody the words "fulfilled" and "happy" and "joy" and "love." And then, to close things, I write. I reach out. Then regardless of whether I have been understood or not, I force myself to move on and do what needs to be done, and try to just keep taking that next step forward.

Whenever I wallow in destructive self-pity, my heart has a tendency to just choose to go numb in the middle of being submerged in feeling. It is easier to get lost in my emotions while the days speed by and the world continue to spin uncaring. I fight back and reclaim my life and my sanity by making the effort to remember that my life only gets shorter with each day I spend hanging on to everything that was important and dear and that has been torn from me because life itself has decided that I deserve something grander.

How long is one lifetime then? For me, the period itself does not matter. It is what happens during that period that counts. If I did my best to rise up against the difficulties and the hurt so I could share my life with others and inspire and give joy, then it is a lifetime well-spent, and an eternity that just keeps getting better.

1:51 AM 11/12/2011
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

Proudly Pinay!

Proudly Pinay!
Protected by Copyscape Web Copyright Checker

But you can always share and cite.
This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Non-commercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.