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Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Can you ever "outgrow" your family?

I found my old journal last night. It brought back the last four years so vividly, even with the gaps unspoken for. Below is an entry for the 21st of April 2011:

Thank God for family. 
It has been an eventful two weeks since dumating si.... Prior to that, marami-rami na ring nangyayari but with his arrival, parang bumuhos lahat nang kaganapan. Problems... confrontations... all which kept us awake for several nights. And really, time was so short and so precious, we could not get enough of every moment na magkakasama kami, mahirap man or umiiyak, or tumatawa, or namumuroblema sa pera, or nababaliw sa kalokohan ni Bebe, or nangangarap na naman. Laging bitin. Lagi kaming naghahabol, halos ayaw nang magpahinga especially kapag nagkaka-usap usap. Mahirap mag-goodnight kahit antok na antok na antok ka na.

Malungkot na ma-realize na ito na yun- yung panahon na minsan na lang kami magkaka-ipon ipon nang ganito kasi malalayo na ang trabaho at hati na ang panahon sa mga responsibilidad. May konti ngang pang-gastos, wala namang oras. But money does help to create better family moments. Pero hanggang dun lang yun. In the end, time is infinitely more precious.
 Nag-flashback lang sa akin yung mga panahong wala kaming pera kapag bakasyon, gabi-gabi kami nasa bubong kasama ang gitara at tinapay na may pancit canton (pag may pera). Those were simpler times. Pero masaya ako and I feel so grateful to have such memories. 
Maswerteng-maswerte kami kasi kahit madami kaming pinagdaanan nitong mga nakaraang linggo, we went through it as a family. Pasaway man si... at least nandito kami lahat. We were all here. We were TOGETHER. Sa panahon ngayon it is a blessing to even be able to claim na may pamilya ka. Even more so na masabi na magkakasama kayo and that you are able to share things with each other; na close kayo; na mahal ninyo ang isa't-isa and that is one thing that is ever constant kahit na may mga sama ng loob, kahit nagkaka-problema.

I thank You Lord with all my heart for this one great miracle. Maraming, maraming salamat po for keeping us safe and healthy and loving. Nakaka-overwhelm po ang pagmamahal Ninyo na ipinapakita sa amin through our family. Through the presence of each other, You are ever constant and so much nearer; so much more real and tangible. Maraming salamat po sa lahat lahat! Ibinabalik ko po sa Inyo LAHAT Lord. You alone can make these things possible kaya po Kayo lang po talaga ang dapat pasalamatan.

In light of recent events, I shared these to remind my siblings how fortunate we were, are, and still will be because we will always have each other. That's basically what being a family is all about. It is a sad fact that family members eventually do go separate ways but it need not mean that the family itself has to fall apart. We just have to keep remembering the simple things, the small joys, and the reaching out. One does not outgrow family because one never outgrows love. And so, one must never outgrow too "the reaching out."

kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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