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Thursday, April 04, 2013

Is love ever enough?

This is the second part of the April 21st, 2011 journal entry:

Love is never enough. But it is enough to make you look forward to, and fight to live a better and more fruitful life.
Since our family trip in Iloilo, higit kong naintindihan na dapat maging selfish ka talaga sa oras mo, at maging oportunista ka sa lahat ng pagkakataon na puwede mong magamit to enrich your life and those who matter most to you simply because life is too short and time is too precious to waste on dwelling on mistakes and heartaches and tomorrows na paparating pa lang naman. We should all be doing our best to live in the NOW kasi yun lang naman talaga ang meron tayo - NOW, and EACH OTHER.
Tomorrow will take care of itself kung gagawin mo lahat para maging maganda ang bawat Ngayon. And it will also lead to a better history; a richer past. Kaya we should LOVE all we can and fight for it and express it while we still can. Kasi yun ang nakakapagpasaya sa atin. And pag masaya tayo, kaya natin makapagpasaya din ng ibang tao.
(Ang ingay ni... nadidistract ako)
Si... dalawang linggo nang umiiyak dahil... And I understood that she wanted to let go but she also doesn't want to just give up without a good fight. Kasi minahal niya yung tao and mahal niya pa rin. And her heart, I guess, wouldn't allow her to just let go dahil may naaaninag pang pag-asa. Hindi yung sa hope na maibabalik pa yung dati or maaayos pa yung nasira. It is simply urging her (I think) to make a more positive choice- a choice to forgive than to dwell on the hurt; a choice to take another chance with someone who matters dearly and be able to create new and better memories together; a choice to grow in understanding and wisdom and faith... and yes, corny na kung corny, in love.

Because love is like that, hindi ba? It challenges you to forget and set aside your fears and unlearn all your previous assumptions and illusions about life, so that you'd risk experiencing new things, expand your horizons, fulfill your infinite possibilities... Kaya nga magic ang tingin ng iba 'cause other than faith, I believe it is one of the true alchemists. Love is empowering change; the energy that transforms the Universe since it dwells and works within the human heart - one of the most powerful motivator of all. 
 (Gutom na ko. Break muna...)
While transcribing this down, I had the oddest sense of being painfully shaken to an old awareness. And I grieved.

I grieve for the girl who wrote this. I want her back. I want her courage. I want her fire. I want her optimism and her unwavering faith in things.

Sure, the best is yet to come. But the best of tomorrow is like the Lochness monster - you have to believe it first and plant your seeds today, before you see it.

So off I go now in search of the girl who believed that love will always be worth fighting for even if it will never really be enough. She may still be in here, somewhere....
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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