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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The last eight weeks when someone almost died...

It has been almost 8 weeks since I set out to rediscover the brave girl of the green journal, and what a journey it has turned out to be. In the process, I came across life-changing stories that challenged me to dig deeper and acquire stronger roots. It brought me eye-to-eye with my inner self, willing me to look at everything once more with child-like curiosity and find a deeper faith, believe in a more encompassing joy. 

An actual suicide survivor's story taught me that the most dangerous moment in your life is when you start blaming God for all your difficulties and decide to remove your trust in Him. My friend said she did not even think of taking her own life. But the night it happened, she heard a voice telling her it will be alright to do so. It will be an easy escape from the pain. She woke up three days later at the hospital, thankful for another chance to be with her three kids.

image from www.lushquotes.comAn encounter with a 73-year old grandmother with a 20-year old zest for life taught me that there's never such a thing as "right age", "right time", or "too late". When you want something, you must go for it with all your heart, ignoring all excuses especially your own. At an age when some people are already anticipating their last days on earth, she still wants to start a new business, yearns for stimulating conversations with young, dynamic minds, wants to learn new skills, and is still excited of traveling and seeing new sights and meeting new people. Somehow it brought me to the awareness that indeed, the point of growing older was never to putter about and wait for your dying day. It is actually to feel rushed and grab all opportunities that will help you live a fuller life, and be able to create and share as much memories and wisdom with every life you meet. 

It pays to always remember that we start dying the moment we were born. With our days so numbered, we have no right to waste every miraculous second of our precious life.

Unexpectedly having a new job that is so out of my comfort zone and yet so teeming with learning possibilities taught me that when you already know what you want and submit it to the Lord, opportunity comes. The teacher is given when the student is ready. It just takes a little more courage to start making things happen, enough to be able to trust not just in ourselves with all of our God-given talents but more importantly, in God's grander plans for our lives. 

Suffering through a heart-wrenching test of friendship challenged me to seek a deeper meaning to the words commitment and trust. It taught me to strive for a deeper appreciation of the inherent good in people. Often when we hurt, it is just easier to either get defensive, strike back, or run away. And yet there's always the "what if" to haunt you. What if the hurtful things done out of what you see as selfishness was actually a call for help by someone undergoing extreme personal turmoil? What if you have the power to understand and help, would you be willing to look past the hurt and just extend a helping hand? For sometime now, I have been praying to be taught how to share my life with someone. What if that was one of the lessons that I had to go through so I can have a better understanding of human relationships? In the end, I chose to understand that it as all about recognizing what else are we willing to do for others in the light of God's unconditional love for us.

Seeing Nick Vijucic in person and hearing him passionately share his faith renewed mine in an unexpected yet powerful way. It re-introduced to me, this time with amazing clarity, to my own infinite possibilities which is only amplified by having a heavenly Father for whom NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. Indeed, without the hope of Heaven, we don't have much to live for. That's why like him, we ought to live beyond what we see and feel. Rather, we should live by faith, trusting with all our heart that God's love is enough to empower us to do anything. We were meant to walk on water just like Him. All we need to do is to keep our eyes and our hearts focused on Him, not on the storm. (Matthew 14:22-33 ). All we really need to have is "a willing heart" to begin with.
These are all varied stories, disparate at the least yet each one acted as a sign post directing me to the courage and purpose that I was struggling to find again. Funny that in my search, I did not just find the girl that I used to be. Through these stories, God has also allowed me to see the greatness that I'm yet to fulfill. And thus begins another wonderful journey....

August Bernadette 
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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