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Friday, August 15, 2014

Finally

When we have finally allowed ourselves to feel all there is to feel about a situation and a person, we are able to accept things as they are and just let go. We finally see the senselessness of holding on to anger and bitterness. We finally get to see that people simply behave as they are, and we have the power to choose to either accept their essence and put up with their behavior, or just let them drop out of our life. It is actually a sign of respect if we just let a person be, with all of his or her human weaknesses. Doing so conveys trust; that we trust that person to live his or her own life, acknowledging that they don’t really need us nor anyone. And with this also comes the realization that neither do we need them nor anyone, so letting things be is also just showing ourselves the same respect that we have shown them.

After my past posts, I was able to tremendously make myself feel better by voicing out the depth of my anger and contempt. A part of me is wary of hurting people especially since I know how powerful words are, yet I just didn't want to care about that anymore. I know now that my words are just pieces of my mind that people can take counsel to, or just ignore. In the same breath, I can choose to just ignore or stop caring about people who has no capacity to see me for what I am as a person. This is actually the very idea that has kept me from letting go – thinking that there must be something else I can do for those that I used to care about; that there must be something I can still help them with.  But I myself am an example that a person chooses to change on his own terms, in his own time.


We are our own heroes, with all the powers that we need at our disposal. We are all self-sufficient; we are designed this way. We do not actually need anyone. We merely choose to be with people because we believe that they could add interesting perspectives to our experiences. But to think that someone is essential and cannot be let go, not even when we have begun to live for them and not for ourselves, that’s suicide. No two souls can occupy a single body, unless the other one is a demon. Therefore when we begin to abandon ourselves in favor of someone else’s feelings, thoughts, and well-being, we die.


I don’t want to die. Not yet. I’m also done with nice. I just want to live my life in truth, though that may lead me through lonely roads and far-flung adventures. I don’t care if I won’t ever be ready. I just want to go and start the kind of life that leads by following the only way that matters; the only way I know I can find fulfillment in living. So I am choosing to begin again. Finally. 


August Bernadette
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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