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Friday, December 05, 2014

Some days.

Some days I feel brave again - strong enough and hopeful; expecting the best version of things to happen, able to feel or at the very least remember my personal power.

Some days I just feel awful - still angry, still regretful, and worst of all, confused on how I really feel and why and what should I be thinking and doing instead.

Some days I just feel tired - aware enough that there is so much more to life but wishing that for that day I could just choose to stop fighting and go somewhere quiet to rest and to try to forget why life is a struggle and that life is grossly unfair sometimes.

Some days I feel alright - passive, calm, observant... almost like my usual self.

2014 is finally coming to an end and it will become just another year of the past, along with all its lessons and memories. Some days I feel hopeful and aware that its ending will bring a new chance to begin again, just like each day is. But then, some days I don't give an F anymore about endings and beginnings knowing full well that ours is just a short-lived existence that it will be torture to have grand dreams yet so little time to really make a difference....

I know. I'm so screwed - some days. My only comfort is that this screwing up from the inside is no longer an everyday occurrence anymore.

And the sun seems to shine most days.

August Bernadette
kaigachi is a conjugation of the Japanese term "kigaicha" or crazy. It roughly translates as "crazy about something."

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious." - C.Jung

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